fuck bicycles,i just want to build motorcycles and flat black cars.

EERO SAARINEN.

I have fallen in Like with the mid-west. Time is the ultimate measuring tool.

to look for America...

Here I come !!!!%$&#@$$!!!

"The in Crowd"

Last night I sat in at a gig for a few songs and played some tunes with some old friends. My favorite of the night was a version of this song. so pure. enjoy.

Bikes. Drugs.Hot Chocolate

This evening I am enjoying the comfort of vikodin and searching through random websites while trying to let my body recover from the beating I have put on it this past week from riding. I rode today and it was not that difficult of a ride but I felt very tired. I really want to ride tomorrow so we will see if the pharmaceuticals will do the trick.

Anyway, check this article (and the website) out... I am not sure if it is the drugs or if it reality, but this little clip of words and photo seems to have some kind of an impact on me tonight... enjoy.

http://bluecollarmtb.com/2008/12/18/lifes-little-decisions/

The opening to Aught Nine.

I hope this year is amazing.... truly amazing.

"the boy with a thorn in his side"

a little over a year i was riding in the passenger side of a car that belongs to a girl that used to be my entire world. we were talking about us and what was going on between us. at this point things had been quite rocky with huge up and down swings. I said these words to her that i will never forget...

" well, at least i can feel something now, i mean, at least i am not just numb to pain, to people hurting me,...to people mistreating me." of course my eyes then proceeded to tear up.

It is so crazy to me to look back and think about the past few years. for the longest time i just wanted to feel love,..loved, and be able to love with my whole heart as well. but it felt so one sided and wrong and then i went into a complete downward spiral just trying to find that level of numbness again. just so i could survive. I don't think that i have found it. it is true that my life and my situations have moved on and i have learned to except so many things that are uncontrolable, but even though i live life with a certain level of numbness... i feel a dull gash in my heart almost daily...

today,...i just want to run away from everyone.